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This was a survey give to me by  John.
( That's a whole other set of bullshit I'm sure. )
I got so much laundry done today. I finally have underwear again! Woo. I should really be writing my paper for my stupid Film class tomorrow but ... C'est la vie.
I just talked to Steve and uh ... turns out -- um, he's going to a Go-Go Bar tonight. ........ So .. it's cool, I guess. I knew he was going out to see a friend off that is moving away and all. I guess I shouldn't be jealous or hurt or anything. .... I really shouldn't. Cause that's just stupid. Jealousy is the most ugly monster in a human being. ..... But ; I still am. .___. It's just .... I guess it hurts to know someone you like a lot is going to be fantasizing about a slut in a thong, ya know? But I guess, that's life. .. and all. I never had the urge to go to a strip club ... I guess cause I'm a stupid chick and all. I just never really had that kind of hunger that needed to be feed, so to put it. Lol. When I was dating Justin in West Milford, he went to strip clubs all the time and it didn't bother me .. so did Ass Jon. I never gave two craps. Probably cause I didn't care about them as much as I do with Steve. .. I feel a lot more strongly for Steve. This sucks. I shouldn't. Cause if this little thing can hurt me, can you imagine how much it would crush me if anything worse happens? .. See, that's why Love and everything that falls around it sucks. It's not worth getting hurt over, or creating anxiety or stress that in the end can make you sick. See, now I gotta write this fuckin' paper, and I know he's going to be on my mind. -- It's just crap I shouldn't have to deal with. I'm never getting married. The thought of being hurt like that -- or losing someone to death ( like I've seen enough of. ) just sickens me and ... I don't have the time or energy to deal with that in my life. I have more important things to do. So, whatever ; I'm not going to put my feelings in any more deep than they already are. I might as well keep my heart and blood in the Ziplock Freezer Burn Bag. Rofl.
So, this is where I get into trouble with relationships. Something will bother me, and I won't tell the person. Usually cause it's some stupid bullcrap like this. Who the fuck wants to date someone that is going to act childish, insecure and most of all jealous. I sure as hell wouldn't. I also, don't wanna tell him what to do. Who the fuck am I to make decisions for him and tell him what is right and wrong in my eyes. That's just messed up. So, I'll tell him nothing is wrong when he asks me how I feel about things -- and it'll be a blatant lie. But I'd rather hide my emotions and be strong rather than act like a fuckin' immature teenager. But I know hiding them is not good either, cause it'll soon start eating away at me -- and I'll keep other things from him and it'll all snowball from there. And that would be my fault. But .. if it does, it does. I know this isn't going to last anyway. So, I might as well prepare myself for that, and not some shitty fairy tale ending. I need a smoke.
Clemens finally retired. Good, loser.
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